We know celebrities are in a place of privilege. Their own little world where the laws and reward of behaving like a normal person do not apply. For them, the things we obsess about like a job, bills, getting laid are silly things they find amusing. This is the thought that necessitates the writing of this article – Weird Celebrity Baby Names – as it seems the same thinking seems to extend to these celebrities child-naming philosophy. While the rest of human folk carefully research and find the perfect name that helps their standout and avoid being the butt of jokes in their adult life, celebrities just name their kids whatever idea first pops into their head. We presume you don’t have to worry about the name your child bears when all they have to mention is their surname and who they are related to. It is pretty schway.
But still, despite the unnecessary need to fix perfectly curated names, some celebrities have taken some very strange liberties with their children’s name. In this list of weird celebrity baby names, we compile 20 celebrities who have named their child something either inexplicably weird. Here are the worst, the craziest and the strangest.
Weird Celebrity Baby Names – The Strangest
1. Nicholas Cage – Kal-El
How do you start a list about weird celebrity baby names in Hollywood without mentioning one of Hollywood’s weirdest actors? Nicholas Cage. We should have known he would name his child something different when he decided to change his last name to Cage from Coppola because he loves comic books. We guess that love did not wane at the time of fatherhood because when Nicholas became a father, he named his child Kal-El after Superman. Nicholas, why? Why?
2. Sylvester Stallone – Sage Moonblood
We are not in the least surprised that Mr. Macho Man here decided to go peak Macho and name his child Moonblood. We expected it and we were not disappointed. Sylvester Stallone aka Rambo would take any chance to express how much of a man he is and if it includes giving his child a name that sounds like the beginning of a spell, so be it.
3. Gwyneth Paltrow – Apple
If you are going to make a list of weird celebrity baby names, after Nicholas Cage, Gwyneth is definitely a surefire for such list. A standard weirdo in Hollywood, Gwyneth Paltrow has not shied away from showing her weird side. If in doubt, just have a look at the product line up of Goop, her lifestyle and wellness company. But we always assumed she would keep the crazy to her profession and business and not bring it home with her. We were wrong. When she and Chris Martin gave birth, they named their child Apple. Why? We don’t know and neither do Gwyneth or Chris.
4. Kim Kardashian/Kanye West – North West
Yes, our overexposure to the life of the Kardashians and too much of Kanye West has helped their child’s name reach a point of normalcy with us. But if you take a step back, and really think about it, this is just about one of the strangest things to name a child. We thought both of them were joking when they admitted they were considering the name for their child but with Kanye West involved, we should have known.
5. Spike Lee – Satchel
Spike Lee already dresses weird so why not extend the same courtesy to your child’s name? The African American filmmaker named his child Satchel, which in literal terms means a small bag. Perhaps parents should be made to face a judge before their naming choice is ratified in the birth certificate?
6. Jay Z/Beyoncé – Blue Ivy
They are kings and queens, and as such the princess of the kingdom cannot go around with a normal like a peasant. The super couple Jay Z and Beyoncé named their first child Blue Ivy. We don’t understand it. We don’t even know how we feel about it, but a look at the child tells us… that is the name she deserves.
7. Lil Kim – Royal Reign
We know sanity and rationality is not the trademark Lil Kim has built for herself over the years and we certainly enjoy her quirks. We just expect that she would rein it in when it comes to her child. Give her a chance to live in this world without a giant ‘make me the butt of jokes’ on her forehead. Oh well.
8. Forest Whitaker – Ocean
This is one of the few names on this list that is simply more strange than terrible. When Forest explained his rationale behind the name – saying he wants his son to be expansive, it got stranger but it is nothing compared to the other candidates on this list.
Weird Celebrity Baby Names – The Worst
9. David Duchovny/Tea Leoni – Kyd
Perhaps it is our fault for expecting a lot from David Duchovny. After all, he is the man from Californication. A show that apparently bears some resemblance to his real life. David and his wife, Tea Leoni (now divorced) named their child, Kyd. Now, we enjoy puns as much as the next man but to say this is ridiculous would be an understatement. Good luck seeking political office in the future, Kyd
10. Rob Morrow – Tu Morrow
Here is an advice – Don’t name your child the first funny joke name that comes into your head. Not only is this name ridiculous, but it is also a joke name that is incredibly lazy and makes us fear for Rob Morrow’s parenting style. Thankfully, you can always change your name because this child will need to.
11. Jason Lee/Beth Riesgraf – Pilot Inspektor
Here is the story behind this one because we are hoping you will share our bewilderment. Jason Lee says he picked the name after a song he listened to on the Granddaddy’s 2000 album – The Sophtware Slump. He claims the album’s first track – “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s the Pilot” blew his mind. Then he proceeded to brand a real-life human being with the fleeting feeling he had off of one track. If that story explains the Pilot (it doesn’t), where did the Inspektor come from? You know what? We give up.
12. Michael Jackson – Prince Michael II
Michael Jackson went insane for a minute there, and it pretty much began with the naming of his children. If we were the type to pay attention to things like that, that was really when it began. He named his first child Prince Michael Jackson. A little lazy and pretentious, but its Michael, so we don’t raise eyebrows. When the second boy came along in 2002 however, Michael decided he was going to name his child the equivalent of a duplicate file in a computer. He named his second son, Prince Michael II. Personally, I hope the first question he’s asked by God at the pearly gates is, Why? We miss you, Michael.
13. Cardi B/Offset – Kulture Kiari
Surely, you did not think a list like this would leave out Cardi B? However, a list of weird celebrity baby names without Cardi B’s new baby is not complete. We are always encouraged not to pass on the mistakes of her parents, to let the flaws and bad decisions end in our part of the chain. That lesson was clearly lost on Cardi B and Offset whose real names are Belcalis Almanzar and Kiari Kendrell Cephus respectively. Good luck to the child. He will need it.
14. Ashlee Simpson – Bronx Mowgli
We don’t have an explanation for the Bronx part of the name but according to Ashlee Simpson and the ex-husband, Pete Wentz – they chose Mowgli because the two of them bonded over The Jungle Book. Sweet origin story. Questionable result.
Weird Celebrity Baby Names – The Craziest
15. Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty
Celebrities love standing out. We are pretty sure naming your child something that makes a list like weird celebrity baby names is part of what they teach in celebrity school, but some just take it too far. Do we want to get into this one with Jermaine Jackson? We would love to. But after thinking about it again, we are just going to let this one go. It is too late.
16. Shannyn Sossamon – Audio Science
We know celebrities are not exactly known for their solid foundation in logic and rationality but we would still like to know the process of how one gets to name their child, Audio Science. If the story behind the decision is anything to go by, there was actually none. “Audio Science” – Nope. We just said it out loud again and we are still baffled.
17. Keith Cozart (Chief Keef) – Snow Filmon Dot Com Cozart
No, we didn’t just close our eyes, press random buttons and came up with that. That is the real name of Chief Keef’s son. If there is a competition of weird celebrity baby names, Chief Keef’s child will definitely make it into the final four.
No one knows how eccentric rappers can be better than we do. We welcome it, it is pretty much a part of the culture. But this? This is just wrong. It feels like Chief Keef was in the baby room with his entourage, asked them to say words and he just kept writing them down on the birth certificate. The only positive out of having a name like this is, the child will never have to worry about a stage name if he chooses to become an artist.
18. Penn Jillette – Moxie CrimeFighter & Zolten
Penn Jillette is an illusionist, and we hope his children’s names are one too. Moxie Crimefighter and Zolten. If Penn is building his own personal team of superheroes, the naming formula is a little on the nose, buddy.
19. Bed Rocknroll/Kate Winslet – Bear Blaze
Do we really have much to complain or be surprised about from a man whose name is Bed Rocknroll? Do we? No. We are just disappointed Kate Winslet couldn’t rein in his worst impulses. Oh well.
20. Nick Cannon/Mariah Carey – Moroccan
We dig naming people after places. It is pretty cool and we stand by that assertion. What we don’t encourage, however, is naming your child after the native name of places. Moroccan is the name of a native of the country, Morocco. Clearly, their relationship was not the only thing strange about Nick Canon and Mariah Carey.
Here is our list of weird celebrity baby names. Think we missed out on a name that should be on the list? Shoot us a comment.